52. Ευχου δυνατα

Pray for things possible 

The Fiancee and I have had numerous discussions about faith over the years. We’ve had some discussions when my faith has been shaky, and we’ve had numerous discussions when he has wondered about his.

For the past few months he has been repeating the same phrase whenever things come up in our lives: “I feel there’s something on my back”. For non-Whovians this is in reference to an episode when Companion Donna Noble ends up with a creature on her back that begins to influence her decisions and life events and changes the course of her life.

For us, there has been a lot of turmoil with absolutely insane events. He finally had shoulder surgery, but i really didn’t hold up as well as we both had anticipated. His mom went nutters, called him horrible names two months after his surgery for literally no reason, and he decided to stand up for himself for the first time . That caused a wall of silence in the family for months. This is a family that prides itself on how close knit they are. Unfortunately, his job was in the family business so that effectively barred him from going back to work once his shoulder recovered. So, he hiked up his big boy pants and took over the finances and somehow made it work. Through that, however, we looked at ourselves more as a separate family unit, just the two of us. But we were still trying to get back on an even keel from the surgery, my failed semester of school, and a slow decay of our communication skills.

Christmas rolled around and the rift was being suspended in favour of the holidays. But then the next day things went back to normal and he still kept on sticking up for himself…at least until New Years Eve when we received a phone call saying they had just bought us a new car. Which was extremely fortuitous because our car was on it’s way to the big old junkyard in the sky. But because this new car was so much newer and nicer than our current car, our insurance went up significantly. So, the car sealed the rift, and The Fiancee returned to work.

Then The INCIDENT happened, all of our communication skills left went right out the window. This also happened right as the docs were fucking with my meds, which caused one of the worst depressive episodes since before I was on meds. But, he decides to come with me to my next therapist appointment.  From there we were able to air things out in a controlled environment with a mediator.

So, as we are getting back on track, we find out his sister has just got a house. She currently resides in an apartment building owned by their parents. We have been trying to figure out a way to get out of our apartment because it is actively trying to kill us. So, he hiked up his big boy pants again and asked if we could move in there after his sister leaves.  We will move in after the sale on the house closes, and the apartment is rehabbed. We will of course to pay rent, about 50 less than we pay now. So we still have to be responsible.

Now after all that verbal diarrhea that could probably have just been summed up as :::stuff happened:::, we come to the faith portion of the post.

Literally right before his surgery one of my Spiritual Friends came to visit. She suggested moving my altars and such into a more central location, to bring my faith outwards so to speak. I immediately put both statues on the top of the fridge and set about trying to get money to buy them a more permanent altar. The funds weren’t available. I wrote a petition out then asking for a smoother path to getting them new altars.  Then I set fire to the top of the fridge (and Aphrodite- hence the reason she is in technicolor courtesy of my Spiritual Friend’s restoration efforts), and they had to go back to their original spots.

Then the apartment got worse. It seemed like every time we looked around we found something else wrong. On top of that I didn’t receive my school refund as we had anticioated, so still no funds.  I had been talking to my Spiritual Friend, and she suggested broadening my petitions to ask for a safer and better place in which to place their new altars.

It wasn’t smooth by any means, but when the Gods are about Their work, nothing ever is.

Yesterday The Fiancee came home and started talking again about “something on his back”.  As if lately we were like moving pieces on a board. I told him about my petitions months ago and how things had probably been in motion from the very start.

Two days previous he had gotten into a faith argument with an atheist friend of his. The Fiancee has faith of a sort. He believes there are bigger forces at work, he’s had his own interactions with both Hermes and Aphrodite, he’s had flashes of insight.

But now faith is staring down at him. When I asked what made him uncomfortable about the situation he said it made him feel as if he wasn’t in full control of events, like he was being shuffled around a cosmic board. All I could say was “THAT is faith. You give up part of your control to the Gods. You do retain some control, because you can’t ask them for something and then do nothing towards it.” I’m not sure if he was totally satisfied with that answer.

I’m actually hoping that this opens up a new line of discussion on faith. I think it would be good for the both of us, to be a sounding board for exploring and strengthening our beliefs.

Especially in our new place. If we survive this place long enough to get there.

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