Όταν προκύπτουν θρησκευτικές ανάγκες,τα κεφάλαια που ακολουθούν

When religious needs arise, the funds follow

I have been in serious need of religious supplies for a while now. Back in our old place buying more things seemed like a waste of both money and space. But in this new place space is not a concern. Money, however, still is.

I promised my Patrons when we moved into this place they would be out in the open, not hidden away. I have kept that promise and it has been wonderful. Their spaces are a little cramped but I’m hoping to rectify that situation soon. I’ve also set up Hestia in the kitchen to honour the hearth and soul of the home.

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Hopefully I’ll get a matching cup and plate set. Also know I did not choose that wall or trim colour…

So now it’s down to finances. There are things that I have needed that I just couldn’t afford. Not just things for Aphrodite and Hermes, but things to bless this home and sweep out the negative energies The Fiancée’s sister left behind. I wrote about going to the local shop with a spiritual friend of mine. I had a $10 budget. On the way there I found a hidden $5 bill in the car. The total for everything I needed? A little over $14.

I have been wanting to get things like incense and herbs for my Patrons and my home to reinforce the blessings and happiness, as well as a wash for the basement for when my sister-in-law finally gets her shit out ofthere (we’re going on over a month here, and she still won’t get off her ass to do it). I would also like to get those bookshelves to be altars. But once again money is my stumbling block.

A week ago another spiritual friend asked if I would be willing to do a reading for a friend of hers, citing a closeness to the situation that might impair her ability to do an accurate reading. And of course I would be paid for my time. $75 was accepted as a good price and I did the reading. At first we were going to use that money for bills, but then we got a bit of a financial break, so I was able to use my money I earned in a religious endeavour for religious things.

So I went on a mini shopping spree at the Magickal Cat. And today it arrived. Whoot! (Look at my beautiful hardwood floors!)

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Cedar, Dulse, and Black Walnut Bark

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Air for Hermes, Ocean Atlantis for Aphrodite, and Peaceful Home

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For the basement wash

I still have money left over, but I’m about $4 short of being able to get the bookshelves, but I’m sure that will be rectified soon enough, considering The Fiancée has had several orders to fill at work. Even if I have to wait until next month, it’s a lot better than “when the old car sells, which will eventually happen, maybe soon, but maybe not”.

So things are moving forward. And I’m feeling really good about it.

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Ένα σπίτι μπορεί να μην είναι ένα σπίτι, αλλά ένα σπίτι μπορεί να είναι ένα σπίτι

A House May Not Be A Home, But A Home May Be A House

For me a house is a dwelling you happen to reside in, but a home is where the best memories are made. I have been trying so hard to make this apartment a home. However, that is nearly impossible when dealing with a narcissist who acts as if this space is an extention of their house, as well as dealing with the people who enable this behaviour. So instead of making fond memories we are drowning in negativity. Arguments. Seizures. Illness. Depression.

So last weekend I kidnapped another spiritual friend of mine and went down to the local occult shop and grabbed some tools to help the situation.

When I got home I immediately inscribed protective symbols over the windows and doors. Several people told me to use something that had meaning to me. The only thing I could come up with was a doodle I have been writing in the corners of my notebooks for years…The Heart and Stars:The Peace Lover’s Flag.

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For the record, the door colour choice was NOT mine.

It has taken me a week to shake off my lethargy to actually cleanse the house. So today I girded up my loins and began the process.

I began by throwing open all of the windows, then swept out all of the rooms, then vacuumed the stairs (I don’t think they have been cleaned in years). The entire time I kept singing a little ditty to keep my mind focused on the intention of cleansing out the negativity. Because I am me, it naturally ended up being to the tune of the chorus to the Battle Hymn of the Republic.

I am cleansing my house /Oh I am cleansing my house/Cleansing my house of negativity!

Good thing I was home alone, I’m sure it was annoying as hell… the vacuum cleaner made a bid for my silence when it fell on my head while doing the stairs. But I kept with it. After I was done sweeping and vacuuming I stood in my living room and proclaimed that this house was ours now, and the previous tenant had no more presence here. I also proclaimed that this place is banished of negativity and only positive energies were allowed. I then lit brown mini tapers in the rooms. As I lit them I said “Our house has been cleared of negativity. With this candle I bless my home, allowing only happiness, laughter, and love.”

I feel as if I can breathe a little bit easier. Hopefully now we can start making good memories in our home.

Αργή και σταθερή κερδίζει τον αγώνα (αλλά μόνο επειδή το κουνέλι είναι ένα πρόσωπο τράνταγμα)

Slow and steady wins the race (but only because the rabbit is a jerk face)

So our basement is still full of my sister in law’s stuff, but we added all the spare bedroom crap to it so we finally have the complete main apartment for ourselves. Unfortunately, the amount of effort it took (three solid days to get it into the basement, another solid day for The Fiancee and his father to get the extra large stuff out) left our unpacking on the back burner.

FINALLY we had a day to rest and relax (after our new stove was installed), and today we could get the ball rolling. We did the living room, and in doing so I was able to set up my new herb center, and I was able to get the temp altars more how I wanted them.

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Property Brothers is amazing. No regrets.

 

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Looks better than I thought it would

My mother in law was here yesterday when the men were putting in the new stove, and I started to feel odd because I had my altars out (but not perfect). It has been so long since my religious items have been in a prominent area I wanted to wave my hand in her face in a Jedi mind trick. “These are not the Gods your looking at…”. But I kept my mouth closed and said nothing. If she thought it was strange she didn’t comment. And I realized, most people in polite society won’t comment on much.  Not to your face anyway. And I’m cool with that.

Soon we’ll be slapping some paint on the walls, hanging curtains on the windows,  and hopefully get the hoarder’s nightmare out of the basement (seriously though,  I’m completely cured of my hoarding tendencies after seeing that…we recently found old groceries, including stuff that needed refrigeration). Tonight I cook on our new stove. This structure is becoming a home and I am confident that my deities feel the same.

At least I know for a fact that my cat does…

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Can’t.  Resist. The. Cuteness. 

Προχωρώντας προς τα πάνω …

Moving on up…

So we are finally in our new place. Since my future sister in law can’t understand the concept of moving, most of our boxes and assorted bits of furniture is still gathered in the living room. It’s a good sign however, that all of that stuff that took up the entire old apartment actually fits in the living room. Space is super important.

So when we moved in she had stuff packed in the spare room. After all the nastiness she threw our way about how she was completely packed, I was only mildly surprised to look into that room and find that almost nothing was in a box or remotely packed in some way. She assured us she would be back the next day for it all…

:::snort:::

We looked in the basement because she had stuff down there as well. Let’s just say it is a hoarder’s paradise down there. The junk has slithered up the stairs, making it a treacherous endeavour to get up and down the stairs, and the pile of stuff (including two CRT tv’s, three coffee tables, two sets of headboard/footboards, and a cd rack The Fiancee owned when he was 12), is about as tall as I am. She’ll be back in two weeks for that.

:::snort:::

She had a set of keys, but promised she would call before she came over. She wouldn’t just stop by and let herself in.

:::snort:::

Came back to the apartment after gathering the second batch of our stuff from the last apartment to find she had waltzed in and put her grubby little hands over everything. The Fiancee called her and demanded her keys. She refused. We tried to get into the basement to bring some of her crapndown there only to find that she had put a latch lock on the other side of the door. The Fiancee pulled rhe door so hard he ripped the lock off.

After three+ days of stress,  very little sleep, and dehydration, my body had had enough.

It is now three days since my last seizure.

Not the way I wanted to start life in this new apartment. But stress has eased up some. His father changed all the locks and he and The Fiancee (over her very vocal protests) moved half of her crap out of the spare room. With a schedule to do the rest (basement is still undecided). Some of our boxes have made its way to where it is supposed to, and hopefully tomorrow we bang out the living room and make it more like a home. The temporary altars will be put in place and Hermes and Aphrodite will be able to come out of their boxes (too much stuff being tossed around, I’m afraid of breakage). Hopefully soon after that I find the boxes with the incense and herbs and I can get down and dirty and cleanse this place up. Then finally the transition ends, and the new life begins.

(As a side note: no one bothered to tell my future sister in law the locks changed. I’d pay to see the look on her face when she tries to get in again. Priceless.)

Μερικές φορές χρειάζεται πραγματική άγνοια κάποιου για να ανάψει μια φωτιά …

Sometimes it takes someone else’so true ignorance to light a fire…

I made a decision to actually respond to a random blog post that for some reason popped up in my newsfeed. It was very, very anti-vaccine/conspiracy theorist, and I do tend to be vocal about how wrong that is. Per usual, when it came to a “cite your sources” challenge arrived, no sources on their side were given, instead they pulled things out of this blog that have nothing to do with vaccines or autism with the express purpose of shaming me. However, I am not ashamed of my religion. Then they tried to make me feel shameful because they saw that I had written the post about my lithium problem. And having a mental illness is something you hide.

Not anymore.

If he ever sees this, thank you sir, your nasty comments didn’t send me regressing into a sobbing pile of humiliation as you intended, but instead gave me the push I  needed to start a new blog about being open about my Bipolar disorder. I had been kicking the idea around for a while, but didn’t do much with it. Well…here it is .

Όταν άμυνα σας είναι κάτω, οι boggles φτάνουν.

When your defence is down, the boggles arrive.

So our move was rescheduled due to red tape insanity. Since we had pretty much has everything packed, neither one of us wanted to unpack anything for the week we still had to stay here. That included my altars.

His nightmares began two days later.  Apparently around this time he started to feel unsafe in the house.

Two days after that he caught me sleepwalking…in my underwear…heading outside. He caught me a few stairs down and asked me what the hell I was doing. I apparently told him that the talking skeleton in the bedroom told me to go get candles and crystals for it. I guess he had to keep talking me down for a solid five minutes because I was that insistent. He tucked me back into bed and was brushing his teeth when I apparently let out a “blood curdling scream”. When he ran in to check on me I told him that the skeleton was mad because I didn’t buy him the stuff so he made the walls crawl with rats.

Wtf?

There is something swirling around in here. Making us both edgy. Since our new date isn’t that far away I don’t want to unpack the altars just to pack them back up again in a day or two.

I talked to my SF about it. She recommended a protection spell that she had used recently. Put lemon slices with black pepper (I added sea salt) in ALL corners of your house, saying a cleansing spell. We talked about the energies in here and I decided that I would make a deal…leave us be until we leave, then have at it.

Hopefully things will settle. At least long enough to get the hell out of here.

Ζώντας στη σκιά μειώνει το φως σας …

Living in the shadows dampens your light…

EDIT TO ADD: Due to house closing stupidity the moving date has changed from the 20th to “TBD”. Effing stupid.

When I first moved into this apartment Aphrodite’s altar was a side table in the living room. I displayed my faith proudly.  I never brought attention to it as I was trying to follow the Maxims of practicing religious silence. However I didn’t hide anything either. 

About three years ago I made the horrible mistake of allowing people to move into my tiny one bedroom apartment. I had to take Aphrodite into my bedroom, since these people were camping out in my living room. Around this time Hermes came into my life. The only place I could fit him was in my narrow hallway. Both of my Patrons were effectively tucked out of sight.

Those people stayed in my apartment for a year. My devotions waxed and waned. I became so used to their positions in the household that, even after those people moved out I kept them where they were.

My SF came to visit and she asked me why I kept my  Patrons hidden. I had no good answer for her. “Cause that’s how it’s been?” didn’t seem like a sufficient reason.

But now is a time for new beginnings. We are days away from moving into our new place. Days away from getting out of this apartment with floors so warped being blind drunk makes it easier to walk through the apartment, old roofing tiles in place of actual siding with insulation ensuring this place is freezing in the winter and sweltering in the summer, and days away from getting out of a room whose ceiling is being held up with duct tape.

I have a spot already picked out in the new apartment where the new altars will go, and I have the tall bookcases picked out as well. I’m excited, nervous, and hopeful.  I hope that my religious life being out will help me reconnect to the deeper spirituality I had before.

T-3 days until moving day. May we be blessed with good weather.

Ο δρόμος προς την κόλαση είναι στρωμένος με καλές προθέσεις

The Road to Hell is Paved With Good Intentions…

Truer words have never been spoken.

In January The Fiancée’s parents bought us a new car. This car is incredibly expensive. Not just for them to buy but also for us to have insurance on it. They gave us this car as a surprise, and really didn’t think about future problems we might have as a result of their generosity. They just wanted us to have a reliable car.

However, this gift screwed us big time.

Not only did the insurance go up by $100 that we didn’t have, but we found out that the state does not allow disabled persons to have reliable transportation. If you are on disability (which he most certainly is) you are not allowed to have assets exceeding $1500. Since the car was worth WAY more than that they yanked his benefits. Even though the car was a gift, and we paid nothing to get it, the State considers us rich.

So now we have to get rid of the car.

I wrote a petition to Hermes to help us figure out a way to keep the car, or to resolve the situation in the best way possible. For me that meant getting through The Fiancée’s thick skull that I could own a car of any value, and maybe we just have the car in my name.

We went to his parents to talk everything over, and The Fiancée and his father were delusionally insistent that we simply buy a “good” car worth $1500. It soon became boys vs girls, since his mother flat out agreed with me that that was a STUPID idea. It became so heated that I closed myself in the bathroom because I was having such a panic attack.

Then the fight went from bad to worse. It then became me vs him in his parents bathroom. I was telling him that I could own a car of any value so we should utilize that fact. He kept insisting that a $1500 car was perfectly fine, that we could find something reliable. Then my claws came out. Then his came out, and he ended up storming out.

I sat in that bathroom and prayed fervently to Hermes for help. I begged and pleaded. A few minutes later The Fiancée returned to the bathroom and said “Since my parents would give us the money from the sale of the car, why don’t we get a new car between $6000 and $8000 and have it all in your name.  You will be the primary driver.”

Thank you Hermes.

So, we are losing the super nice car, but we will be able to get a reliable car that we can afford. We still move in to the new apartment, and this situation has lit a fire under The Fiancée’s ass to get SSA disability, and make sure that his doctors don’t fuck him again by forgetting to turn in the paperwork on time.

So, things worked out. I am sad about the car though. It was truly amazing. But if it comes down to having that car and having to stay in this shit hole of an apartment, or downgrading and being able to move out, I’ll take the downgrade.

Clearly Hermes felt the same way. Especially since I promised him he would get a new altar space, and it would be out in the open.

We won’t have a car after this week until his parents sell this one, but that leaves me with no choice but to pack.

Move out date: March 22.

Η σιωπή δεν είναι χρυσός όταν αναγκάζεται

Silence isn’t golden when it is forced

So this really isn’t a spiritual entry as much as a bitching one.

As  I said in a previous entry my psychiatrist cut down my lithium way too far and that caused a severe depressive episode. So when I went back she doubled my dose. About four or five days ago I noticed that I was experiencing difficulties talking. I had previously had some issues with aphasia when I was on a normal dose, but those were infrequent. Annoying as hell though.

But it soon became almost impossible to speak. It was as if there was a block in front of my mouth. I knew the words I wanted to say, they just wouldn’t come out. If I kept pushing against that block I could manage to get enough out to be understood. And of course there were ridiculous hand gestures. The Fiancee brought me to the er because I had some other issues that matched up with possible toxicity. Luckily my blood test was in the normal range. However I still had a hard time talking. They told me that they weren’t sure why.

I am so sick of hearing the words “I don’t know”. Seriously the next time I hear them I’m going to slap the mouth they come out of.

Turns out, if you do some deep Google-foo, you will find hundreds of accounts of people who have the same problem because of a sudden lithium change. Since the last month has been nothing but sudden med change I think this applies. Especially when you go from 900mg (level for the past 4 years btw), to 600mg, then abruptly raised to 1200mg.

So I called the doc yesterday morning and she got back to me today. Go back to the 900mg. See how that does.

Frustrated sigh.

I find it so aggravating. I’ll probably still have this issue for another few days, and will go back to minor periodic aphasia. But while I wait for all of my levels to even out I have to deal with half sentences, absurd hand gestures, and complete frustration.

But hey, at least Google had some answers for me. So there’s that.

Και οι τοίχοι πέφτουν στην

And the walls are falling in

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Even Audrey Hepburn can’t class this up

 

This is a picture of just how bad things have become in our current dwelling…yes, that is duct tape holding up that portion of ceiling. We have duct tape on another section as well, we have duct tape on the floor in the hallway where the linoleum tried to make a getaway, and we have duct tape on our faucet because it will shoot water from the top with such force it hits the wall on the other side of the room. Basically we’ve got stock in the stuff.

Please send out good energy that we get out of here as soon as humanly possible.